Hearing vs. Listening

It has now been one trip around the sun since my milestone birthday. While I knew that my children had heard my voice over the years, I could not have said, definitively, if they had really been LISTENING.

When we speak to our kids, they might hear the likes of Miss Othmar, the teacher from the "Peanuts" comic strip:  "Wah wah wah wah wah....", whose unintelligible colloquy was actually "voiced" by a trombone.  Not until my sons and daughter were much older did I consider the delineation between hearing and listening.

Hearing is a passive measure, whether it is intentional or unintentional.  It is simply the intake of sound.  Listening, however, is a more deliberate action, as it requires us to, not only absorb the stimulus, but also to internalize and process it with thoughtful attention.

For the aforementioned birthday, I received a scrapbook containing messages and photographs from my loved ones - family from all over the country, and friends from every walk of life I have tread thus far.

When I reached the pages written and created by my children, I was struck with such clarity that they had truly been listening - even during those moments when it did not seem possible.  Besides the scrapbook, itself, the most meaningful gift was reading my own words, reflected back to me, by the ones for whom they were intended.

The tenets, below, have been relayed to my children at various times through the years (and even currently, when needed!).  My daughter has dubbed them, "Sheri-isms".  For a brief moment, I allowed myself to think that my kids might tell their own children, "My mom always said.....":

"A day without chocolate milk is like a day without sunshine!"

"No one is allowed to tell you your self-worth."

"It's just as important to be strong in your mind as it is in your body."

"I love you a hundred."

"You're stronger than you think you are and always as strong as you need to be."

"Find something for which to be grateful - Every. Single. Day!"

"If you're going to do something, do it right the first time."

"Don't quit something because it gets hard."

"Kill 'em with kindness, even if they don't necessarily deserve it,"

"You have the ability to love unconditionally, and BE loved unconditionally."

"The sun always comes back up."

"Brandy slush in the summer is a must!"

"If you can read, you can cook." (Said to me by my mom)

"Every day is a gift!"

"It's never too late to learn something new."

"Find something you like about everyone - even if it's the color of their socks." (Edited from my friend, Cheri's mom, who originally used "shoelaces" in lieu of "socks".  Thank you, Bunny!)

"It's important to have hobbies and activities to keep your mind and body active." (Cue the pole dancer story, "You Wanna Be a What?")

"Sometimes, you just have to curl up in the sunbeam."

"Happiness is a choice."

"Never turn down Grapenuts with Coffee Mate (on the front porch)."

"Sharing is okay because 'We can always get more.'"

"Strangers are just friends whom you haven't met yet."

"Look at problems and obstacles as opportunity."

"Some things are simply out of your control.  Let it go."

"Your siblings are your built-in best friends. Nurture those relationships!"

"Sing like nobody's watching...."

"....and don't let anyone tell you to stop!"

"The hardest things in life help us grow the most."

"Find the sunshine in every day."

"Making other people proud comes second to being proud of yourself!"

If a bug is in the house, don't smush it!  Capture it, put it outside, and gleefully exclaim:  "Saved another one!"

"There's nothing a milkshake can't fix."

"Approach every conversation and interaction from a place of kindness."

"Always look for new ways to challenge yourself."

"Contrary to popular belief, you DO have clothes to wear!"

"You are capable of anything you set your mind to doing."

"Pour love into important relationships, even if it may not always be reciprocated."

"Embrace the curly, puffy, 'lady hair'!"

"Your mind is sharp.  Use it to your advantage."

"Sometimes, the best thing you can give someone is your time."

"A creative outlet, like writing or art, can help us process the harder things."

"Don't say, 'I will', just do it!"

"Having a faith and growing up within a strong culture may not make sense as a kid, but you will see how valuable it is to who you are."

"You don't need a 'bumpit' to get volume in your hair."

"March to the beat of your own drum."

"Anything can be re-framed in a positive manner,"

"You're only as old as you feel!" 

"I'm on your shoulder." (Act the same way when I'm NOT there, as you do when I am.)

"We must each decide what our own deal-breakers are." (In relationships/partnerships)

"Compromise your wants, not your values."

"Rise to a challenge rather than backing down from one."

"Seek the rainbow after the storm."  (Literally and figuratively)

"Sometimes, it's the little things that mean the most."

"Always have gentle hands and a gentle heart."

  I believed it was my responsibility to offer light-hearted aphorisms with plenty of "punch" that would be applicable to everyday life; something my children could hold close in moments of uncertainty, in this case, the echo of my words in their minds and hearts.

Reflecting upon the year since my last birthday, I feel boundless gratitude towards my children who have demonstrated that they were dialed in - despite childhood tantrums, teenage angst, employment woes, successes, disappointments, failures, triumphs, and everything in between.  Not only had they heard my words, but based on their missives, they had also LISTENED !

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