Brown Closes the Gap

Me with "Brown" (L) and "Billie" (R)

 

As I paralleled the metal wire tunnel, watching the four young chimpanzees make their way through the opening of each interior gate, one of them stopped and gripped the enclosure. Noticing how much this primate's hand resembled my own, I couldn't help but reach out to touch it.  Watching his freckled face for any sign of fear, angst, or mistrust, I stood there, gently stroking the fingers that held tightly to the only path that would lead him to the small jungle within the Uganda Wildlife Education Centre (UWEC).   

As the chimps clambered to find the banana slices in our pockets, they vied for our attention.  All except for one.  "Brown" helped himself to a few pieces of the hidden fruit then ambled away towards the grove of trees behind us.  My eyes followed him and Dan, our guide at the UWEC, said:

"That's Brown.  He prefers to play alone and does not interact with anyone."   

It was his freckled face that delineated him from the others, and while Billie, the chimp, monopolized my time that morning, periodically, Brown would approach in an attempt to join us.  The more Brown sought my attention, the more Billie sidled up to, on, or around me.  

"Brown", (L), reaching his hand towards me.

                                                                                                
                                     

"Billie on my back while "Brown" reaches up to me.

      

Remembering Dan's explanation that these young chimpanzees had likely lost more than one primary female figure in their lives to poachers, it occurred to me that, perhaps, Brown lacked the experience of being nurtured or held close.  It was possible that he never learned to be comforted by another's touch and, out of necessity, learned to seek solace in solitude.

Did he recognize me, remembering the feel of my hand on his through the chain-link tunnel?  By reaching out to me, was Brown letting me know that he trusted I was not a threat to his safety?  It was unclear how to interpret his tentative, somewhat stand-offish advances, but I was willing to be receptive to them while still respecting his boundaries.  Once again, as I did with Billie's grooming behaviors, I decided to follow Brown's lead.

It wasn't until I looked back at the photos from my magical morning at the UWEC, that I noticed a distinct sequence in Brown's attempts at closing the gap between our bodies.  While the other primates scrambled up to our arms, Brown stood there, with questioning eyes, seemingly, not knowing what to do - almost waiting for permission to ascend.

"Billie" on top. "Brown" holding my arm.

With Billie no longer clinging to the front of me,  Brown, who is considerably larger, cautiously pulled himself up, leaving distance between his body and mine. 

"Brown", (L), uncertain what to do with his body once he was in my arms.

While Billie and the other chimps easily wrapped their arms and legs around us as we held them, it seemed apparent that Brown had no idea what to do with his limbs, reminiscent of what those awkward, human "tween" years might look like during their first coed dance.

Viewing the photographs of Brown and me, the narrative unfolded itself.  The progression was undeniable.  He went from being aloof and uncertain, to finally allowing himself to almost nestle against me as he studied my face.

Then, Dan's voice:

"Brown has never let a visitor hold him."

Recalling Dan's account of these chimps' formative months and years, the lack of a steady maternal figure in their lives likely shaped the behaviors they each exhibited during our visit. A couple of them may have had the good fortune to be influenced by a caring, nurturing, female - while Brown may have had to rely on observations of his peers to demonstrate what that type of relationship looked like within the primate world.  

My thoughts turned back to our hands, just before these young chimps entered their protected jungle - his wrapped firmly around the wire, mine softly caressing his.  Was I searching for some obscure meaning or connection that Brown and I had made during those few moments?  Or was I hoping for something that wasn't even there? 

Whatever the reason for Brown's slow, methodical pursuit of contact with me, I was grateful that he trusted me - that he permitted the proximity between us to, gradually, dissolve.  

The longer I observed and interacted with the chimpanzees, the documented statistics I have read, about our sharing 98.8% of our DNA with each other's species, became more discernible - more real to me.   

There was no mistaking the similarity of our basic needs and how we each derive them from those responsible for our physical, mental, and emotional growth and well-being.  Typically, love, trust, the warmth of physical touch, and engaging with others are all learned from the maternal (and paternal) figures who engage with us from the moment we are born.  Absent these behaviors, it can be difficult for a youngster (human or chimp) to thrive in the company of others due to the simple lack of knowledge and experience.

Walking back to the gate that had permitted entry of these four young chimpanzees into their jungle, as well as into my life, I felt the overwhelming senses of sadness, wonder, and gratitude.

My heart felt heavy, thinking that Brown might have had the opportunity to be a happy-go-lucky individual, if only he could have been raised by his mother.  He was so clearly different than his peers at the UWEC, but did he stand out to me because he had chosen solitude, or was he, perhaps ostracized by the others because he simply did not know how to interact?

I was filled with wonder at the human-like antics of these chimpanzees - their curiosity, playfulness, need for love, attention-seeking behaviors (naughty or nice!), and desire to be close to others.  These beings, whose natural habitat is a jungle, whose beds are often the  highest leaf-covered branches of trees, are physically and emotionally so similar to us.

And gratitude...It encompassed me that day in a way I had never thought possible.  It felt like I had been "let in" to a secret society - one that collapsed the distance between the animal world and my own.  It was as if I had been given a precious gift, triggering a feeling that there is something much deeper that I am supposed to extrapolate from this extraordinary visit to the UWEC.  

On one hand, I understood that the chimpanzees who reside there had lost the opportunity to live freely as their species was meant to exist.  On the other hand....the one that reached out to touch Brown's, I witnessed the differing .2% of our DNA melt away, and emerge in the form of an inexplicable camaraderie between an orphaned primate and an adventure-seeking woman - both willing to place our faith in a new experience - even if only for a few remarkable moments.

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